


Fix

by SilverFliesInBlueSugar



Series: The Angst Chronicles [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Poor Nathalie Sancoeur, Recovery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-04 03:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16339391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFliesInBlueSugar/pseuds/SilverFliesInBlueSugar
Summary: Adrien is working steadily toward recovery and is determined to get Nathalie to follow in his stead. This is harder than he anticipated.





	1. Chapter 1

"I'm surprised you never told your father about me" Nathalie commented a few days afterward. His relationship with his father was still... Estranged at best, but it at least sort of seemed like there was a legitimate conceited effort to talk to him, instead of ignoring or rejecting him whenever he tried to speak.

So.. An improvement. Definitely.

His urge to hurt himself was also a little lesser. He still scratched at his wrists apon feeling anxiety, but was determined to avoid his matches or razor blades, which he had taken care to hide in his room.

Plagg knew where they were, and while the Kwami wanted to help his owner, Adrien had once told him that if he got rid of or destroyed his copes, he would renounce being Chat Noir.

Overdramatic, perhaps, but he had been extremely emotionally turbulent.

He wondered if Nathalie had ever felt like he had. Empty and broken and just so tired.

"Of course i won't" Adrien said quietly. "I only said that before because i was shocked and scared and desperate. It's your choice to get help, not mine"

She couldn't help but arch an eyebrow. "You're far too mature for your age, you know" she said with something akin to exhaustion.

He smiled bitterly in response, digging his nails into his wrist. She frowned and pulled his hand away, and he flushed, closing his eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry"

"Why do you do it?" she questioned, tone soft and slightly unreadable. He swallowed, extremely unused to talking about or even acknowledging that he had a problem. "Just.. The pain. The shock it gives my system. It helps me... Focus. Drains the negative emotion... Usually" he decided to gracefully ignore the fact that Chat Noir had the same effect and yet he had still continued self harming even after aquiring his miraculous. He felt that a part of it had simply become habit. A go-to option.

Then he blinked up at her, green eyes that should be so expressive were so dead in a way. Broken and worn down after so long of consistent neglect and isolation. Something twisted in her chest and she didn't hear what he said. "Sorry, what was that?"

He fidgeted. "Why do you, uh... Not eat?"

She stilled, averting her gaze. "I think.. A part of it is, as you said, control" she dug her fingers into her blazer sleeve, pulling it down and balling her fists tightly. "Something to stabilise. And-" she shook her head. "Heavens, i should not be discussing my issues with a child"

Adrien frowned indignantly. "I'm not that young!"

She mirrored his expression, though there seemed to be bitterness in it. "You're 15, Adrien. You are very young and I cannot help but slightly resent your father for letting you grow up on your own and think so purely self-reliantly. You shouldn't even know that i have problems.." she ran a hand down her face. 

"But i care about you! Is it bad for anyone, even a kid, to want to help out someone they care for?" Adrien exclaimed. "Besides, no one else knows so no one else can help right now!"

"I don't need help" she responded automatically. His eyes narrowed. "You're anorexic, Nathalie-" she tensed, and he took pause at how her hands began to near imperceptibly shake. "-I just don't like that you want to get me the help i need with my self harm and refuse to get help for yourself" he finished, making sure to not come off as affronting.

"What does she need help with? And why is she discussing whatever it is with you instead of doing her job?"

Gabriel's voice rang mildly irritated through the air, and Nathalie seemed to startle at it, nodding violently as she walked past him, that normal cold, professional steel shading her eyes as it always did before work. He couldn't help but notice how she flushed when her arm brushed against his father's as she passed him. Huh.

"Father, it's fine, Nathalie was just discussing things with me" Adrien shrugged, ever so slightly frustrated that he had drove her off. Gabriel cocked an eyebrow, trying to hide his curiosity. "What 'things'?"

"Things she can tell you when she's ready to" Adrien shrugged, walking out of his room. Gabriel blinked. Well then. That was a dismissal if he had ever heard one. When had his son gotten so confident? Not that he wasn't proud, he was,but the change was surprising.

He shrugged it off but filed the thought in his mind for later.

\---

The next day Nathalie looked even more pale than she normally did and seemed to stumble more. Gabriel felt very out of the loop by how Adrien kept giving her knowing yet concerned looks, and how she kept waving him off, insisting she was fine.

Then at one point he found her catching her breath leaning against the wall, and when he had commented on her not doing work and she straightened up, she seemed to immediately faint.

Eyes widening, he crouched down and scooped her into his arms gently, hesitating at how frail she was. Was she sick? This sort of thin felt unnatural.

And so Nathalie Sanceour awoke on a sofa, a white blazer over her acting as a blanket and her head resting on seat cushions, not to mention that the pain in her stomach seemed to have intensified by multiple digits.

She looked up, and jolted at the sight of her employer sat there before her, ice-blue eyes seeming to see into her, almost as if inbetween states of zoning out and not. When she uttered his name however he jolted back fully into reality, and the open consideration on his face altered to veiled concern. "What on earth is going on?" he asked, bewildered. "Why did you faint? And why do you seem so sickly?"

She pushed herself up into a sitting position, not looking him in the eye. "It's nothing sir. Please do not concern yourself with my wellbeing- i assure you that it will not effect my work in future"

She stood up and turned to walk out, heart pounding, but he jumped up after her, grabbing her wrist. This contact seemed to burn him, his expression melting to pained as he flipped her wrist over, appearing somewhat disgusted by how her veins popped up against her skin. "By hell Nathalie, what is wrong with you?" he managed, and it took her a few moments to realise that it wasn't a slight against her but his assumption that she was ill. She swallowed and tried to extract her arm from his grip but he stood steadfast.

"It's nothing, sir. Please let me go" she managed, glasses slipping down her nose slightly from how much she seemed to shake, it even reaching her head. He noticed her fear and put two and two together.

"You've been starving yourself."

It wasn't a question.

She felt rather a lot like throwing up.

"Sir you're mistaken, let me go-" the last words came out more of a sob, and he seemed to freeze at how her eyes glistened. His grip lessened and she wrenched herself from him, expression an amalgam of fear and something unrecognisable. 

"Nathalie-" he breathed, stunned still, unable to comprehend that she was doing such a thing to herself. He reached out his hand to perhaps skim her cheek, an affectionate gesture that he shouldn't have even contemplated indulging in, but she moved away and his hand seemed to hover in stasis for a second before he let it fall limp by his side.

"I... You-" she managed, seeming broken somewhat. She turned and left, speed of her steps not far off of a run.

Gabriel took several seconds to respond, and when he did pursue her she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I really do hope that I'm portraying anorexia in an accurate way. I myself have EDNOS so I do have a basis to write on but aside from research i have no way to know if I'm being accurate, so if I'm doing anything weirdly i would appreciate feedback]

She leant against the door to the Agreste mansion, heart pounding as she fumbled to open it and nearly fell out, wincing at the glare of the sun on her glasses as she stumbled forward before a sob tore itself from her.

She slumped against the wall, ignoring the door now wide open, shaking terribly, on the verge of a panic attack.

A hand fell to her shoulder and grounded her, and Adrien quietly instructed her to breathe in and out. She did, pain flaring in her stomach occasionally that kickstarted up her stuttered breath, but ultimately was able to calm enough to return to coherency.

She looked at him blearily, despising herself for how scared he looked. Why was she still dumping her issues on him? Why did she insist on being such a burden?

Maybe she was being too hard on herself. She didn't know. Everything felt like her fault. As it always did. At least before she tried to be something. Methodical, precise, intelligent. And then crafting a mask of indifference that helped to stifle the agony she felt somewhat.

If someone asked her why she was starving herself she would find herself hard pressed to give a clear cut answer. Control, as she had admitted to Adrien, was a factor. So was being thin. So was the pain. And yet none of them sometimes. Sometimes it felt like she did it because she could. So she could say wordlessly 'Look! Look how in control i am! Look how convincingly normal i appear despite all of this!' even if no one noticed or cared.

She never did it for attention, although attention gave her a rush. Not positively, any kind of suspicion others expressed made her entirety feel as if she had been grabbed and doused with cold water. And people noticing her problem always brought about complications for her to sweep under the rug. Yet at the same time she always wanted to tell someone, to just scream and cry and truly confide in anybody. Maybe she was just tired of coping by herself.

"Did father figure it out?" the boy next to her asked, concerned, and she breathed out emptily, clasping her hands together and closing her eyes. Nodding. "I'm sorry you have to see me as i am" she managed, trying to will away the burning in her eyes. 

"It's fine, seriously" Adrien smiled gently. "I don't mind"

"I do" she shook her head, a strand of hair coming loose from her bun and falling in front of her ear. "I'm starting to wonder recently if I'm fit for work.."

"Physically or mentally?" Adrien asked. She sighed. "Both."

"I think.. You should do whatever you think would make you happier in the long run" he finally advised, green eyes sparking. "Don't focus on what you should or shouldn't do, focus on what will get you to the end of this year" as he spoke he nudged the door closed. She smoothed out her blazer and let out a hmm. "I enjoy my job. It sounds weird to enjoy this sort of work, but..." she bit her lip slightly. "Having a routine, a schedule, a plan for everything. It's an order that i don't have alone. Alone, I'm just as likely to spent my full day watching tv as i am to spend it.. Coughing up my food" she shook her head, fists tightening as if she could force the memories from her head. "Yet.. I feel like this job makes me worse"

"The stress" Adrien agreed. "Simultaneously saving and killing you. Heh. Reminds me of my father." He ran his fingers along his stomach absently, and she grew slightly more sombre apon seeing the raised pink lines that lay there again. His demons were just as intense as her own and yet he kept on helping her out. He truly was an incredible person.

"Your father... Gabriel.." she murmered, ignoring how her heart seemed to flutter slightly at saying his name. There was no use being caught in a state of flustered panic over saying your employer's name. She smiled slightly at Adrien. "Is.. A handful, certainly."

He chuckled. "It's weird hearing you talk negatively about him. Slightly funny though"

She smiled back, before wincing as a shockwave of pain rocked through her body. She clutched at her stomach, nearly doubling over, hissing. His eyes went from amused to scared as he held out a hand, for what purpose he had no idea. He just wanted to be able to help.

"You need to eat" he said firmly. Her eyes widened slightly, and a spark of sheer terror seemed to flash in her eyes. "Adrien- that isn't necessary-"

"It is" he rebutted firmly. "You're practically wilting in front of me Nat, can't you see that? You're emaciated! You need something, anything!"

She averted her gaze, shaking, nails digging into her palm. "Something.. Small then.. Please" she finally conceded, feeling sick the moment she said the words. Dread coiled in her gut.

"Sure. I don't mind starting out small. This situation is really unusual, huh? I'm taking care of my household assistant, as opposed to the other way around" Adrien pointed out, lightening the words with a forced sort of chuckle so she would know he wasn't truly bothered. She managed a weak, quiet sort of laugh back. 

"Salad? At a restaurant?" Adrien offered. She frowned and contemplated. "I still have some of my shift-"

"If you go back to work now you WILL faint, and if you hit your head it could be really bad for you" Adrien warned. 

She frowned, knowing he was correct and torn between her current responsibility and what was likely common sense. "...Your father will not be happy about this" she said weakly, even as Adrien pulled her by the wrist down the steps and out onto the street, peering around for any eateries. The teen shrugged, eyes shining determined for a second. "My father can get through me first" he said firmly.

She felt her eyes draw to his ring then, just for a second. That sounded a lot like a certain hero of Paris; the way he said it. She had always suspected he might be Chat Noir, she just had very little actual proof aside from the fact that he also wears a ring and he leaves the house without permission many times.

And even if he was, she would never say anything. 

For a moment, she remembered when she was younger. Emilie transforming into Mayura before darting out into action, her hanging behind with red-black spotted earrings clutched in her palm, too shy to dare to be so confident.

Some days she regretted giving away her miraculous.

Some days she really, really didn't.

"How about here?" her charge questioned, pointing to a relatively small sandwich shop with a sign outside listing food and prices. She then remembered a certain monetary dilemma. "I don't have money on me" she explained when he blinked at her not moving to go inside, and he smiled and pulled a purse from his pocket, opening it to reveal multiple hundreds in paper.

She sighed, rolling her eyes. "You are beyond spoilt in a money aspect" she stated flatly, even as amusement broke through her tone. "I don't think i even make that much in a month"

Adrien snorted, eyes sparkling as a grin came apon his face. "I don't normally spend my money, that's all. I don't like being known as the stuck up rich kid. I don't like *being* the stuck up rich kid" as he said this he scuffed his shoes against the pavement sheepishly. She smiled. "Like that Chloé Bourgeois girl?" she questioned, and he gnawed on his lower lip. "Chloé is... I wish she could be as she was when we were younger.." he sighed. "Her mum's been a terrible influence"

"Unlike you, huh?" Nathlie couldn't help but affectionately ruffle his hair, and when he startled, surprised, she pulled her hand back like he had stung her, flushing in embarassment. "My apologies, i just-"

"It's fine" Adrien smiled. "You remind me of my mum"

That simultaneously hurt and burst something warm in her chest. Something warm and protective and caring.

She was getting very, very attached.

Adrien swung open the door to the sandwich place and after much deliberation she followed suit, smoothing off imaginary creases from her blazer, almost biting her nails in her anxiety as she had done when she was younger.

This was the first step to recover right?

She shuddered.

No. She couldn't back out now. Adrien trusted her to help herself as she helped him.

The thought didn't relieve the sinking feeling she felt.


	3. Chapter 3

When they entered, Nathalie immediately took note of Marinette Dupain-Cheng sitting with her family at a table. Marinette looked up, and apon spotting Adrien flushed a bright pink. Nathalie couldn't hide a slight smirk - Adrien was incredibly oblivious to just how obvious his friend was.

The smirk fell. If Gabriel was any less oblivious to her own feelings she might be shut down quite violently, or at least be put in an uncomfortable situation.

Even despite knowing that, hiding her feelings hurt.

She tried to push the thoughts from her head.

"Hi Adrien!" Marinette beamed, and the blonde returned the gesture, walking to her table. Nathalie watched them make small talk, some of her apprehension fading.

Finally her charge seemed to be done talking, walking back over. Nathalie noted that he seemed happier. Huh. Did he like Marinette too?

"Done talking to your girlfriend?" she commented with a sly smirk. His face turned strawberry pink, eyes wide before he rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "N-nah, she's not like that, Mari's just a friend!"

"Mari?" she blinked.

His face went redder and he turned away from her to the counter. "Nevermind that, we need to order!"

She chuckled, adamantly ignoring the menu on the counter.

She sighed and pulled at her sleeves, nausea seeming to creep up her neck. "Maybe this isn't a good idea, Adrie-"

"If you're not comfortable eating out, would you rather i order something?" Adrien sighed, looking partways between tired and sad. She didn't answer. He clutched at his arm, looking down, seemingly at a loss for what to do.

She sighed, guilt curdling in her throat. She stepped to the counter and looked at the man in front of the register. "A sandwich and a salad" she said firmly, dimly aware at the edge of her peripheral that Adrien's head snapped up, surprise and then happiness crossing his face.

They sat at a table, and Adrien watched her carefully. "...Are you doing this for me or you?"

This boy really was far too perceptive.

"You" she admitted, resting her head in her palm and tapping her foot restlessly. "I really don't want to do this, as you can tell"

"But you need to" he countered.

She hummed but didn't answer.

They sat in awkward silence for a minute or so before Nathalie's phone rang. She swallowed as she saw the caller ID. Gabriel.

"Is that father?" Adrien asked. She nodded. He bit his lip. "Do you want to answer?"

"I.." she looked at the screen before nodding, forcing down the way her hands tremored ever so slightly. "I should, yes. I'll take this outside - wave to me when they bring the food out"

He nodded in assent and she walked out, exhaling steadyingly before clicking 'answer call'.

"Nathalie!"Gabriel snapped the moment she picked up, and she winced, holding her phone back from her ear. "Sir, what is the problem?" she managed without stuttering.

He sounded frustrated. "You are nowhere, and i require you to finish some documents!"

She flushed in embarrassment, expression becoming more dour. "O-of course sir, I'm sorry. I'll hurry back as soon as i can.."

There was a pause before he next replied. "Where are you, anyway?"

"Ah, Adrien.." she turned to look at him through the glass sides of the shop. He waved at her, sandwiches in hand, clearly waiting for her. She forced a smile for him. "He made me go to this shop nearby for food.." she trailed off awkwardly. When he didn't reply she grew nervous. "But i know that isn't an excuse, I'll be back there immedi-"

"No. It's alright, I'll handle this hour" Gabriel suddenly intercut, an odd inflection to his voice. "You should stay there"

She blinked twice. Confusion. "Sir?"

"I'll see you when you are finished- come back immediately after you are done. Do not take longer than needed."

He hung up.

She slowly withdrew the receiver from her ear, bewildered.

Now what was that all about?

She shrugged it off awkwardly, filing it away in her mind, before walking back in and sitting back down.

..And coming face to face with what she had ordered. A sandwich and a salad.

So small. So little. So few calories. And yet so daunting.

"Nathalie" Adrien said softly, and she looked up to make eye contact. His own were soft, and she was reminded of Emilie for a moment. "Please"

And so she did.


	4. Chapter 4

She felt incredibly sick afterward. Not illness sick, but a deep emotional sick that seemed to eat away at her internally.  
Adrien kept shooting her concerned glances in the car as the gorilla drove them back to the estate, her avoiding his glances.

Perhaps she did feel a little illness sick. She wanted to throw up quite badly right now.

But no. She couldn't. She couldn't just.. Invalidate his efforts like that. She knew she would feel terrible for weeks if she dared do so.

But she would feel similarly if she gained weight.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, the car arriving outside the mansion.

Gabriel was at the doorway, which was honestly the closest he ever got to leaving the house. She walked past him, stomach flipping slightly, their eyes making contact for a milisecond before she forced herself to look away.

His hand moved before she could react, grasping her wrist. She looked up at him in surprise, trying to force down the way all the heat in her body rushed to her face at the intensity of his expression.

"Are you alright now?"

She was confused until she remembered and shuddered. 'Right. He knows.'

"I'm.." she swallowed. "I'm fine sir"

It was a lie, and she knew that he knew that by how he arched a brow, and she wanted to hit herself. She knew she couldn't lie to him - he wore his brooch 24/7 and it gave him empathetic powers. 

"It doesn't matter" she settled for firmly, ignoring Adrien trying to sneak past them to escape the awkward situation. Gabriel scrowled. "It very much does matter. Come to my office immediately"

And with that he stalked off, and when she rounded the wall to go after him he was gone, leaving only a flurry of white butterflies behind. He had teleported.

She snorted.

'Showoff'

\- - -

He was sat on the edge of his desk, glasses resting on the table beside him as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, evidently stressed and/or exasperated. When he saw her come in he placed them back on, looking tired.

"Nathalie"

She folded her arms behind her back and tried to hold her chin up. 

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you.." he shifted after a moment, averting his gaze, seemingly not from discomfort but a struggle to find words. "..Need some time off of work?"

She blinked in surprise, unsure if she had heard correctly. "Why do you ask"

"Don't act coy" he said sharply, frowning. She flinched and his expression softened. "I know. And you know that i know. So there isn't a point in trying to deceive me. Especially when i have this" he tapped at his tie, where she knew his miraculous lay. Then he stood up from his desk and his hand came up to cup her face. He made a grimace. "Jesus, your face is so sharp and defined.. What have you done?"

While reveling slightly in his touch, his questions felt slightly invasive. She backed away slightly, though he followed her, and this kept up until her back was against the wall. His hands moved into her hair. He pulled slightly-

And withdrew his hand, a lump of hair in it.

"I didn't even pull that hard" he managed, voice strangled. "Do you understand?"

She stared at the hair as if it were foreign to her. He dropped it into the bin, shaking his head.

"You're taking the next week off to work at home. Mandatory"

Her eyes widened in shock at the sudden order. He frowned. "This is not up for negotiation. You are sick in ways i cannot help you with and to force you to exert yourself would be cruel. Go home"

Her ears burnt in embarassment but she nodded obedientl and turned to walk out, eyes stinging.

"Oh, and Nathalie?" Gabriel called out to her right as she went to step through the door. She paused but didn't turn.

His tone grew gentler than she had ever heard it before.

"Be careful. Stay safe with yourself; i would hate for something to happen to you"

She nodded, not responding, but on her way home she couldn't hide the small smile she wore.

It was nice to be cared for for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tempted to follow this up with a few side events that happen to other characters in the same timeline, like a few oneshots developing Adrinette in this, or a flashback short fic to younger Emilie and Nathalie. After/alongside all of those oneshots i would probably post a direct continuation to this though.
> 
> Thoughts?


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello, Miss Sancoeur?" a voice called out the next morning. She grumbled, rubbing sleep out of her eyes, pulling her hair into a messy ponytail and jogging down the hall and stairs, pausing in surprise. A.. Pizza man?

"Here's your order" he handed her the box. She frowned in confusion. "I never ordered pizza? I think you have the wrong house"

"Someone else payed for it, Ma'am. There was a call in from a Mr. Agreste. Honestly, when i first heard that name i couldn't believe it, but you are his assistant, right?" he shrugged, ignoring how her jaw had gone slack. She sighed but held the box to her chest, signalling that she wouldn't return it. He waved and headed back to his bike, and she stood in the doorway for a few more moments before heading back inside.

She opened the box, a mix of hunger and nausea hitting her at the strong smell. What was he *thinking?* did he honestly think she would eat this?

Even so, the idea of throwing it away made her uncomfortable. She bit her lip indescisively.

Eventually she just put it in the fridge, pushing past the guilt.

She had no idea what to do with a full week. Obviously her employer expected her to recover somewhat, but did a man as intelligent as Gabriel really expect her to just.. Get over this? 

Unlikely.

\---

Another knock. 5 hours later. She sighed and opened the door, only to blink multiple times at the sight of Marinette stood there, holding a bag.

She offered the bag and Nathalie took it, raising an eyebrow at the sandwiches and drink in it. "Did Adrien set you up to do this? I'm sorry for any inconvenience"

"Oh no, it wasn't an inconvenience" the girl responded nervously. She didn't leave, clearly having something on her mind, so Nathalie prompted her to talk with a gesture of her hand. Mari fiddled with her shirt before quietly speaking. "Um, Adrien told me what's wrong. He was vague and refused to tell me much, but.. I got the gist"

"Oh"

She really didn't have a response to that.

"I just want you to know that i know it seems hard to escape right now, but Adrien and me are going to try our best to help" she smiled lopsidedly. "I've had eating problems too. I've never actually, uh.. Stopped eating completely. But I've went on diets that went too far. So i understand"

Nathalie swallowed, expression unrecognisable before it smoothed into clear appreciation, albeit mildly uncomfortable. "Thank you. You're a very nice girl, Marinette. Adrien would be lucky to have you. Look after him too, please?"

She flushed and stuttered at the first part but smiled softly at the latter. "I will. Even if i didn't, um.." she flushed. "L-like him, i would still want to help. He hasn't told me, but i saw what's on his arms" her lower lip wobbled. "I.. I can't believe he did that.."

Nathalie felt her own eyes sting and wiped them, throat seeming to close up slightly. "Adrien is an incredible person, and deserves better than what he got" she said softly. "And i hope myself and his father can pull together to make up for it somehow"

"But you take care of yourself too!" Marinette said firmly. She smiled slightly, mildly amused but mostly appreciative. "I'll try"

"Alright, umm.." the younger girl checked her watch, yelping as she saw the time. "Aah, I'm late for the movieee!" she grumbled out things Nathalie doubted were cusses but sounded awfully like them, before turning and sprinting off down the street, shouting a 'bye' over her shoulder.

Nathalie looked at the sandwiches in the bag, the emotion not quite as intense as they had been with the pizza, but still unpleasant. She sighed and gave in, eating about half before leaving it on the counter.

\---

She got a call on day 3.

Gabriel.

She picked up.

"I hate to do this, but could you come in tommorow?" he sounded worn. "The papers i have been sent to work through are ludicrous in amount and it will be impossible for me to complete them alone, and i trust no one else but you to be as competent as required"

She reddened at the compliment, hands tightening on her phone. "That's fine, sir. I want to come back. I'm sure I'm In the minority of the population by expressing this, but i quite enjoy work"

She felt a pause, probably his surprise, before he spoke again. "Alright. Have you eaten?"

She bit her lip. Should she lie?

"What Adrien's friend sent me" she finally said nervously. She heard a sharp intake of breath. "A sandwich? In three days?!"

She didn't answer.

Another lull in the conversation.

"Come to work tommorow, and eat the damn pizza i sent you"

He hung up.

She groaned and threw her phone, trying not to wince as it missed her bed and rebounded from the wall with a dull 'thnk' sound.

She frowned, looking at a small mirror on her bedside table, and her hand came up to her hair as his had a few days ago. She gently pulled.

A thick clump of hair came off in her hand. Not enough to be a noticable loss in her hair, but far more than natural.

She held back a gag reflex.

Maybe they had a point.

She cringed as she threw it in the bin, burying her head in her hands.

She didn't know what to think anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

She stumbled into work feeling exhausted, hair untied and lying semi-brushed over her shoulders. The red streak seemed more pronounced somehow.

Gabriel looked taken aback but not necessarily surprised by her appearance, frowning at the thicker red turtleneck than normal. "Cold?" he asked sardonically. She frowned ever so slightly, clutching at her sleeves. "No, sir"

He rolled his eyes but walked with her to her desk, seeming to find it slightly amusing when she jerked in shock at the thick stack of paper there.

"I assume it won't be an issue to finish? You won't pass out before you're done?" he said sharply. Something in her snapped. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't mock me, sir" she said icily, hands balling into tight fists, anger barely suppressed in her voice. "You gave me a week off on the pretense of rest or recovery or whatnot, but the moment you bring me back in you seem the furthest from caring about what happens to me" she took a few steading breaths before glaring at him. "I will do the work you have set for me, but that does not mean i will take your thinly veiled insults"

He seemed taken aback, before shaking his head. "Be as thorough and fast as you can" was all he replied before leaving quickly.

She made several angered noises, stalking over to her desk and sitting down, but her head was too clouded with anger to concentrate on doing any work. When she picked up her pen and went to write, more anger flared through her, indignancy amplified by stress and hurt, and her hand crushed the pen, ink staining her palm as plastic pierced through her skin.

She froze at the pain, head swimming. She immediately pulled a tissue from her pocket, wiping off the ink best she could, feeling as if her body were on autopilot. She hesitated at the small pieces of plastic jammed into her palm, small beads of blood rising, before pulling them out. For a moment she reveled in the pain before shaking her head sharply to snap herself out from it. She would not turn to self mutilation - she was already inadvertently destroying herself, as evidenced by her thinning hair and Gabriel's apparent disgust apon touching her - she didn't need to worsen that by turning to typical self harm as Adrien had.

So she wiped away the blood as unaffectedly as she could, pulled her blazer sleeve over her palm and grabbed another pen to begin writing.

\---

Gabriel found her asleep at her desk 4 hours later, a completed stack by her side. He frowned at the sight of her hand, still lightly stained with ink and with clear pink marks from where she had accidentally harmed herself. He stared at her for a moment, feeling hightening levels of regret. He hadn't meant to make her so upset, he was just aggravated by her lack of self care or preservation. If he truly didn't care for her, he would have akumatised her by now from all of the negativity she exuded. 

He'd never dealt with this before. The closest was Adrien, but his self destruction was an entire other issue.

Sure, in high school he had noticed people like Nathalie, but it was always... Different. They were usually one of three things: Attention seeking, severely bullied or self obsessed with their body image on a vain sort of 'i need to be the prettiest' level. Not that he didn't think other reasons existed, of course they did, and those people must have had more layers, but that was the aura they always gave.

Nathalie was.. Different. She was defensive, but not in a shy or nervous way, in a way that reminded him that she didn't really have anybody close to her besides debatedly himself and Adrien. She was so used to dealing with her issues in stride that she had simply made this sort of thing routine without breaking a sweat, fully aware she had a problem but simplifying it in her mind to make it seem far less serious than it actually was. Not from ignorance, but from delusions. Common in anorexics, though he didn't know if she had body dysmorphia. 

Most with eating disorders were teenage girls who wanted to be thin and pretty, and while that could very well be part of it for her, she didn't remotely seem the kind to care particularly for her appearance outside of just looking professional. He couldn't imagine any tangible reason she would care so much about looking thin.

So... Why?

He hesitated as he realised he had been lost in thought, and had trailed his hand over her own that was laying on the desk. He withdrew quickly, face burning.

Then his miraculous seemed to throb like a heartbeat, and he felt the aura of frustration he normally reveled in. Someone felt intense negativity a few miles south - he could use that as Hawkmoth.

He wasn't particularly in the mood, tired and slightly upset, and going to his observatory and akumatising his victim felt like going through the motions. His dramatic, convincing tone he normally used was now forced and weak. It still worked, but he felt pathetic, and this reflected in that this victim was slightly weaker than usual.

He fell asleep that night conflicted and bitter.

\---

Nathalie ended up going to Adrien two days later.

She had been eating sparsely still, but that wasn't an issue. Well, not the issue currently on her mind. It was still dangerous of course.

"Adrien, how do you... Stop harming yourself?" she asked awkwardly. He had looked up from his homework, confused. "What do you mean?"

"When the urge comes up to hurt yourself, how do you resist it?"

He frowned before looking away. "Umm, i just distract myself. Excersize, chat with my friends, that kind of thing. When it gets really bad i snap elastic bands. Why?"

She hesitated. "Recently, your father made me very upset. I went to do my work but ended up snapping my pen and being hurt by the broken plastic. I..." she frowned at the floor. "Haven't been able to stop thinking about it"

"Oh. OH. Oh, god" Adrien breathed, discarding his homework, standing up. "You haven't actually done anything intentional, right?"

She shook her head.

He looked relieved but still scared. "Do you have elastic bands or any close friends?"

She laughed humourlessly. "Yes to the first. No to the second"

His face fell, and she tried not to frown at how pitying his expression looked.

"Then i can only suggest the elastic band thing. Or google it" he finally said helplessly. She nodded and left, feeling his concerned gaze burn into her back.

\---

At her desk, she paused when she saw Gabriel stood next to her. Looking up, she frowned at the sandwich he was holding.

"Eat it"

She scowled, brow furrowing. "You're suddenly concerned again?"

He ground his teeth in frustration, looking halfway between firing her and comfortingly patting her on the back. "I was always concerned, I'm simply not used to showing it. I thought you would know that by now"

She dug her nails into her palms, biting back curses she wanted to hiss. "And i thought you would appreciate that i don't want to eat"

"You think I'm going to let my assistant kill herself?" he arched a brow. When she went to protest he held his hand up to silence her, dropping the food onto her desk. "You think me ignorant? I know full well the mortality rates of anorexia. I will not let you slowly destroy yourself and stand by idle"

She resisted the urge to bite her nails, hand tightening so hard on the desk that her knuckles whitened. "I am not anorexic-"

He grabbed her arm and pulled her to stand up before letting go of her. The room blurred for a moment and she stumbled, and he easily caught her, putting his arm around her waist to hold her up. She felt herself warm, eyes widening behind glasses that were slightly askew.

"Sure you aren't" he responded flatly. She closed her eyes in humiliation, face burning from embarassment along with attraction that she desperately tried to bury. He let go of her and she fell back into her chair.

"I.." something pained crossed his face. "I need to help you, but that will be impossible unless you actually want to help yourself. Do you understand that you are.. Ill?"

She sighed and looked away, adjusting her glasses. "..Yes" she finally conceded, stomach churning. He nodded, seemingly lost in thought for a moment before looking.. Determined? It was an odd look on him, one he only got when speaking of Emilie and getting her back.

"If you put in effort here and respect your body's needs-" he leant over her desk and placed his finger under her chin, tilting her to look up at him. Her eyes widened, pupils dilating. Her breath caught in her throat.

"-Then i'll try my best to be more respectful toward you" such an innocent line that he breathed out in a way that it felt like an innuendo. She felt a slight sort of tonal whiplash. 

Only he could make a clearly romantically charged situation feel awkward.

He withdrew, and she froze at the fact he was flushed. Gabriel Agreste was flustered. How? How did she have this effect when he hadn't even said anything embarassing?

"Well then" he adjusted his tie, expression unreadable. "I suppose we've had a... Necessary talk. I'll get back to work now. Goodbye" and he walked out hurriedly. She felt her hand come up to where he had touched her, entire body feeling as if it had just been doused in fire.

A slight smile crossed her face. He was awkward, but he was trying. And that was all she really wanted.


End file.
